NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
