grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
