Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
