I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
now i know why i became what i already was.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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