haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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