I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
