Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Randomize
