she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
