this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
