so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a beard to bite.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
