I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
