I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
zippers are such a cool invention
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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