that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
