Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
