I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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