Apparently you make a good broom.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
