We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize