no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
