Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
