she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
