using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
