If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
