3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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