My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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