We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize