is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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