you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
