Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
