would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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