She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
