i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
