That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
