What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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