Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
