sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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