Your face is a jimmy john
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
