why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
