She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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