dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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