So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
