Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
