I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
