hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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