she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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