The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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