She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
