I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
