That's intense
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
