I must be too annoying 4 u.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I party with great urgency now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
