I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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