my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
