Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
