Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I die, sorry about rent.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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