i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
