I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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