Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
