I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
