the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
