Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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