We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
