doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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