Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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