Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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